This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
