I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
