he shaved USA in his pubs
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
