Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
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We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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