U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
