Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I puked a lego.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
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She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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