I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
