I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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