we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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