So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
