you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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