Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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