My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
