Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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