You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
