New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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