I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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