I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
