I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
