hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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