maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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