first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
