Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
