I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
