isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
