when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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