i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
