I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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