So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize