he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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