I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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