I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
she was so not down for the gang bang
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
