I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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