The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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