Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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