I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
