all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
