Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
