I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Even my vagina gasped.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
