Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
