I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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