is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
