did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
