I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize