Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
