she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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