if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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