You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
you had me at cake vodka
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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