Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
no, he came in my armpit
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize