Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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