i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
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i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
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Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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