im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
