thus making me awesome and them whores
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
