the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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