opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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