We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
