Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
