Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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