and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize