i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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