what day is it and did you see me today?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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