the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
